


Guardian

by leorainfall



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: 2nd POV, Action/Adventure, Angst, Blood and Gore, Ethnically Diverse Characters, F/F, F/M, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Headcanon, Morally Ambiguous Reader, Multi, Murder, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Reader is Not as good as Gon thinks she is, Reader-Insert, Reverse Harem, Romance, Self-Indulgent, Supernatural Elements, more relationships but I can’t think of them, reader - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:00:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25380511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leorainfall/pseuds/leorainfall
Summary: After more than 10 long years on Whale Island, it was finally time for you and Gon to start a new chapter to your lives. Following along as his shadow, you protect him from threats he is vulnerable to and give him the confidence he needs to continue pushing forward.But Gon’s tired of it. All his life you’ve helped him stay safe and happy. He wants to be the one to take care of you now that he’s old enough. He eventually gets his chance.[Various!HxH x GN!Reader] [Posted on Quotev and AO3]
Relationships: Biscuit Krueger/Reader, Kurapika (Hunter X Hunter)/Reader, Leorio Paladiknight/Reader, Machi (Hunter X Hunter)/Reader, Shizuku (Hunter X Hunter)/Reader
Comments: 24
Kudos: 74





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I published this story on Quotev a while back and it has multiple chapters out so there will be a daily update (there’s only like 3 chaps out so it‘s not much).

The sun shone down on the two of you, cool breeze softening the burning rays. It was a very pleasant day for Whale Island; perfect weather for capturing the Master of the Swamp.

Gon was going to succeed today, you just knew it.

As if reading your thoughts, the line from his fishing rod began to bob up and down. Holding your breath in anticipation, you watched silently as it tugged on the line.

You two have been waiting for the past few hours, a few comments here and there breaking the silence for a brief moment. You understood Gon needed to concentrate, but this whole ordeal made you antsy and there was no conversation to serve as a distraction. You wanted to get it over and done with as quickly as possible.

If Gon doesn’t catch the Master of the Swamp today then you wouldn’t know what you’d do. This is one of your only chances to get off Whale Island. Yes, you loved Gon’s hometown, it was amazing and had so many areas to explore with him, but it’s been more than a decade since you’ve left. You missed the outside world dearly and desperately wanted to be a part of it again. Though you believed in Gon, the what-if’s still scared you.

After a few agonizing moments, the creature splashed in the water, shocking you of your thoughts as it swam around frantically.

Quickly zoning back into the events transpiring, you cheered for your kid as he pulled on the fishing rod. Gon looked at you with excitement, thrilled at how close he was to his goal.

You laughed and clapped your hands together. “C’mon Gon, you can do it!”

He gave you a smile and then pulled the string up with all his strength. Realizing that wouldn’t be enough, he hopped around the tree and swung down, the force of his weight causing the creature trapped on his hook to finally break through the water’s surface.

There it was - the Master of the Swamp!

”[Name], I did it! Now Mito-san _has_ to let me take the Exams.”

You jumped up and down, nodding your head. “You’re right! Oh, this is so exciting. Hurry and bring him into town.”

A sheepish look settled on Gon’s face as he looked up at you from the base of the tree. “Right, I forgot we had to do that.”

Your jumping came to a stop and you sighed in exasperation, though a fond smile appeared on your lips. “You’re hopeless.”

The sheepish look changed into a grin, his face lighting up brighter than the sun, and he threw a thumbs up. “That’s why I have you here with me!”

A puff of air left your lips and you shook your head. Gon could be so ridiculous at times.

After subduing the Master of the Swamp, you two quickly made your way to town. Gon dragged the aquatic monster to the square; he coasted along at a steady pace because of its massive size while you scouted ahead to see if his aunt was still in the market or had already gone home.

It seems the two of you were in luck. You spotted Mito talking with her friends while working. That was a relief, the town square was closer than home and you didn’t want Gon to be forced to carry the monster for longer than necessary.

Instead of immediately running back to your charge, you stayed in your spot a tad longer, a small blush on your cheeks. Watching the orange-haired woman discuss the drawbacks of being the town seamstress with another woman nodding along in sympathy, you let out a sigh full of longing and wistfulness, resting your head on a nearby pole.

You wouldn’t lie, his aunt Mito had an amazing personality - caring, sweet, and strong willed. She was also very pretty.

Who could really blame you for getting a crush on her? It was bound to happen, considering you’ve lived with her for so long. And it’s not like you were the only one.

Mito, a young beautiful lady with no husband, had many suitors vying for her attention. She never took any of them as her own, instead focusing all her attention on raising Gon and helping her grandmother. It’s one of the main reasons you liked her in the first place; the dedication and love Mito held for those dear to her eclipsed her flaws.

There could never be anything between the two of you, but one can still dream.

You really are glad Gon is much too dense to realize you have a crush on her, though you have a feeling he’s getting suspicious. Hopefully, he’ll never find out, it could get awkward if he knew you were crushing on his aunt.

With that thought in your mind, you twirled around and rushed back to Gon, reporting your findings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this story is self-indulgement which means there will be plot holes EVERYWHERE, the writing will be messy, characterization will be all over the place, time skips happen every five seconds, nothing will make fucking sense but do i care? no bc im having fun
> 
> ok so like love interests will be a lot of ppl, changes will be made to their ages sometimes but it works out bc i say so also yes the ladies of hxh will be love interests so LETS GO LETS GO LETS GO ROMANCE A 50 YEAR OLD SADISTIC BLONDE LOLITA
> 
> anyways peace homies u will be seeing me sometime tomorrow


	2. Chapter 2

Pointing at the white tank top, you reasoned it would be better for its thinner, more breathable material than the sleeveless turtleneck. Taking your word for it, Gon folded the shirt neatly and placed it on top of an extra pair of shorts in his bag. You noticed how he didn’t try to stuff it in like he did with his other clothes. Good to know your lecture worked.

Glancing up at the sound of a door knob turning, Mito walked in quietly. You frowned, eyeing the way her lips pressed tightly together and the fabric of her skirt bundled up into her clenched fists. She looked nervous, her face resembling that of someone cornered into confronting a situation they didn’t want to acknowledge.

Mito didn’t come here to help.

You overheard her talking the other day about how she didn’t think Gon was ready to take the exam. She wrestled with the idea of convincing Gon into staying on the island for a few more years; her grandmother tried to dissuade her, but you supposed it hadn’t worked.

You understood her concern - he was one of the last few family members she still had contact with after all - but it was unnecessary. Gon was crafty and a lot more resourceful than people believed. He’d be fine, especially with you there to protect him. Too bad his stubborn aunt couldn’t be that easily convinced.

You just hoped they didn’t get mad at each other.

Placing your hands on Gon’s shoulders, he looked up at you with furrowed eyes. “[Name]? What’s wrong?”

You ignored him in favor of taking a glance at Mito, grimacing at the expression on her face. She never did like hearing about you, but never tried to stop him from talking to you. Gon took notice and, being his considerate self, steered clear of it whenever he could. You did the same, staying quiet when Mito came into the room or shut Gon down anytime he began to mention you - gently, of course, you didn’t want to hurt his feelings.

He tried convincing her in the beginning that she should give you a chance, that you were a great person he admired deeply, but she wasn’t having any of it. Mito didn’t believe him. Not a surprise there considering she didn’t believe Gon’s father either.

”Just as i thought... you are just like Ging.” She sighed and looked away, composing herself for what may be a difficult conversation. You knew she expected a fight to break out as they always have when someone bring you up. “Gon. We need to talk about something. Something _very_ important.”

Catching the serious edge in her tone, he stopped searching for his towel - the one with frogs embroidered on the hem as a gift from you to him for his 12th birthday - and turned around to give his full attention to his aunt. “Yes, Mito-san?”

”I let you hold onto them because I believed they brought you comfort, but its impossible to rely on them! They can’t protect you from danger because they won’t be there. The only one that will keep you safe is yourself. You have to know, to understand...” She squeezed her eyes tight, placing a hand on her chest as she spit out her next words, “[Name]. Is. Not. Real!“

He immediately got ready to retaliate given how the teen stood straight up, his shoulders set in determination, hazel eyes flashing with an emotion you didn’t quite want to pinpoint.

Smiling sadly, you cut in by placing a hand over Gon’s, stopping him approaching Mito. It may be a long time before he sees her again, they shouldn’t fight.

”Don’t, Gon. Just agree with her. I don’t want you two to become so bitter over something so insignificant.”

He looked reluctant, opening his mouth to protest but shut it when you carefully pried his fingers away from his palm, loosening his fist, as you shook your head.

”I know I’m real. _You_ know I’m real. That’s enough, I don’t need anything else.”

Mito stayed quiet the entire time, watching carefully from the sidelines as Gon wrestled between listening to you or defending you, most likely realizing he needed time to “come to terms” with you being imaginary.

Gon finally came to a decision. He deflated, defeated eyes casting downward, lips pulling into a tight frown as he relented, not enjoying the though of arguing with Mito either. He faced his aunt.

”...okay, Mito-San. [Name] isn’t real. I just-“ He glanced at you for help, struggling to find a lie that wouldn’t make him feel too guilty.

The sadness evaporated instantaneously, warmth spreading through your body from the reminder of how _sweet_ this boy could be. Coming to his aid, you whispered what you wanted him to say.

In a voice quiet enough it nearly shocked you and Mito, a self-deprecating undertone you’ve never witnessed before, Gon recited what you said word for word. “I was lonely here. There never were many kids and [Name] kept me company. I’ve had them for so long, I was too scared to let them go.” With the way his emotions saturated your ( _his_ , _they were his now, weren’t they?)_ words, you weren’t quite sure whether this was a lie anymore. “But you’re right. I can’t pretend anymore.”

Mito softened, a shadow of regret passing through her face, it clearing before Gon could notice. Sighing with relief, tears appearing in her eyes, she walked towards Gon and pulled him into a tight hug, one arm wrapped around his shoulder, her other hand threading through his dark hair. “That’s all I wanted to hear you say.”

Gon returned the hug and they stayed like that for a few relaxed moments, basking in their momentary ceasefire.

Lingering in the background, you frowned, flexing your fingers.

It-it’s been a while, hasn’t it?

A brief memory of a woman’s soft touch, her beautifully baritone voice soothing a child _(young, so young)_ as they _(you)_ cried in her arms flashed through your mind and though you tried ( _you’ve been trying **so** hard and for so **long**_ ), they slipped through your fingers, disappearing to a place you can’t follow.

You wondered if you would ever win this maddening race and finally, _finally_ gain something more than a bare wisp of the life you used to have.

Time snapped back into place as Mito let go of Gon and ruffled his hair, making him laugh. “Goodnight, you’ll need to rest for the exams.”

Moving aside so Mito didn’t walk through your intangible form, your eyes picked up on how _light_ she looked. It’s strange. You’re used to the way she held herself, shoulders weighed down by the guilt of lying to the child she loved so dearly. To see her now, standing tall, a bounce in her step that hadn’t been there before, it almost made you feel-

“[Name]?” Gon called and you turned to see him looking at you, hints of concern displayed across his face.

You smiled, skipping over to his side and lightly bonking his head. “No time to waste! We still have to grab a first aid kit, and weren’t you looking for your towel?”

Gon’s excitement for tomorrow immediately wiped away any traces of concern and he whipped around to continue rummaging through his drawer, boisterously talking about what kinds of places he wanted to visit after the hunter exam.

Chuckling lightly, you crossed the room so you could help him finish getting ready. At the rate he was going, the sun would rise before he found everything.

You tossed out ideas of where his towel might be when suddenly, he gasped, sprinting over to his closet and pulling out a box. Tossing the lid, he laughed the moment he caught sight of what was inside. Unraveling the item, he held it up, admiring the way the green stitching that almost seemed to shimmer in the light.

You bottom lip wavered because - because he looked so _happy_ to see your shitty gift.

It had taken you _ages_ to collect enough money to buy the necessary materials, _lots_ of trial and error learning how to sew, an _exhausting_ amount of energy willing yourself to be tangible enough to even do any of it in the first place. Knowing he appreciated your little frogs with their wonky eyes and too big heads made you sniffle softly.

He really was a good kid.

Wiping your eyes, you kneeled down next to Gon, laying your head against his shoulder. He grinned widely, wiggling a bit so you were more comfortable before returning to his task of looking for more things to bring along. Closing your eyes, you listened to his quiet humming with a miniscule smile.

Maybe it’s okay you don’t have anything from your old life. You could make new memories here, with Gon.

Yeah, that sounds nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this came out better than expected but this is the height of my writing, every chapter before and after this will suck ass
> 
> oh well


	3. Chapter 3

You tapped on the floorboards - or, well, not really, you weren’t capable of touching anything; they just passed through the wood if you didn’t pay attention which you didn’t care enough to at the moment - from where you sat on the ground, watching Mito fly from one side of the kitchen to the other, desperately trying to make this last breakfast with Gon perfect. You found it amusing how she deemed it necessary to pile the plates high with an unfathomable amount of tortilla, eggs, chorizos, and more. Yes, Gon ate quite a bit but not even _he_ could put down that much food.

“Really, Mito, you’re only going to tire yourself out,” you said, a smile pulling at your lips while you rested your chin in your palm. She, of course, didn’t respond.

A loud thump caught both yours and Mito’s attention. With a huff, she shook her head and shouted at Gon to quiet down. You only chuckled, knowing he had fallen out of bed as he tended to do every now and then.

Based on the noises happening on the other side of the house, Gon seemed to be scrambling to get ready. Since he didn’t call your name, you stayed where you were watching Mito, her grandmother joining a few seconds later.

“I wonder how much longer she’s going to do this,” you remarked as Gon stepped into the room, his jacket and bag slung over his shoulder. He gave you a curious look before heading out to place his boots and bag by the door for later. When he walked back in, you continued. “Mito’s been cooking for the past two hours. She’s trying her best to make this perfect. There’s even some quesadilla in the oven and she _never_ makes that.”

He hummed lightly, quietly greeting his great grandmother with a kiss and taking a seat next to her. “How did you sleep?” Taking a brief glance at Mito and assuring her back was turned, he flashed you a bright grin and a pair of thumbs up. “That’s good.”

Mito grabbed another bowl from the cabinet and piled it high with various fruits she recently cut up. Taking it into her hand and a jug filled with water, she turned around only to yelp with surprise, the items almost falling if it wasn’t for Gon’s chair flying back with a screech, him bounding over in less than a second to take them both into his owns hands before they could drop to the floor.

”Gon! Don’t scare me like that, I didn’t know you were there,” Mito chastised. He just laughed, apologizing as he placed the bowl and jug on the table.

”For a young boy with such a big personality, he can be very quiet when he needs to be.”

Mito huffed, but didn’t refute her statement instead focusing her attention back on Gon. “Have you said buenos dias to your Abuelita?”

He nodded his head, giving her that empty grin. Mito stared him down, giving him a look. Not understanding what she was getting at, Gon continued to smile at her. You snorted, eventually taking pity. “You’re supposed to do the same to her.”

He furrowed his brows, muttering inaudibly to everyone but you, “do the same to...” His eyes widened and he rushed to plant a kiss on her cheek, cheerily saying, “Buenos dias!”

Mito frowned at him, placing her hands on her hips. “I’ll let you off for today, but,” she took his cheek between her fingers, pulling at them as she said, ”don’t forget next time!”

She let go and he immediately rubbed at the sore spot, whining quietly. “Go sit down now. I’ll join in a second.” Doing as she said, he grabbed a plate and filled it with food, but waited for Mito, pulling his great grandmother into a conversation as he did so.

For the rest of breakfast it stayed like that - a light-hearted affair to combat the melancholic atmosphere that will appear later when Gon had to say his goodbyes.

Sighing quietly, you finally stood up from your spot, waving away Gon’s inquisitive look.

Taking a step outside, you frowned up at the sun. It’s sunny today which - which was good! That’s very good! You just...

Was it selfish to wish for clouds? The sun and rain and snow and so many other weather elements just reinforced the fact that you weren’t, well, _you_ anymore. That you couldn’t feel the warmth of the sun, the sting of hail, the bitter frostiness of snow. That you lost so _much_ in the past, things you can’t - and maybe never will - remember.

But with clouds...you shook your head, a wistful smile on your face as you turned away from the sun to watch a few kerbunnies awkwardly gallop by. The clouds hid the sun, took away the reminder that you _should_ be able to feel it against your skin. Like this, you could pretend you were just hanging out at a friend’s house and could easily walk a few blocks to where your family waited at home any time you wanted.

Mito stepping onto the porch pulled you from your musings and you tossed her a gentle smile. “Hello, Mito. It’s a nice day, isn’t it?”

She sighed quietly, eyes downcast, resting her hand on the railing.

You faltered.

“I’m sorry. I could have stopped it, ya know. Taken care of the bearfox myself, but...” Walking so you could stand next to her, you leaned your back on the wood Gon’s ancestor made, tracing the marks Ging, Gon, and several others left behind over the years.

“I’m selfish. I don’t want to be stuck here any longer. I want - I want to see _Ging_ again,” your voice nearly cracked and you shut your eyes as a way to compose yourself.

“Gon will be safe, I promise. I mean, Ging is still alive so you _know_ I keep my promises because, let me tell ya, he was an absolute wreck half the time.” You took a moment to reminisce of past adventures before turning to look Mito in the face. “I will do _everything_ in my power to bring Gon back home to you.”

She blinked, looking around in confusion. Opening her mouth to say something, she quickly snapped it closed when Gon opened the door behind you. Turning, Mito gave him a small smile. “Are you ready?” He nodded eagerly and she ushered him out in front of him; you stayed where you were, watching from a distance as they said their goodbyes, giving them the privacy they needed.

”Gon is a good kid. I believe we have you to thank for that.”

You blinked, startled before a laugh sprung out from deep within your chest. Almost an entire century and she’s never indicated any hint she knew of your existence. The Freecs never failed to amuse.

”Don’t give me all the credit. Mito is an excellent caregiver. We can’t forget about your stories and lessons you teach to Gon.”

She didn’t respond to your comment, never taking her eyes off the duo several meters away. “I’ve seen the way he talks to you. Very similar to Ging.” You stilled, your laughter fading into the breeze that brushed through her hair and the wind chimes that hung nearby.

Giving a quick shudder, you glanced down to see your hands had attempted to curl around the railing but passed straight through, the uncomfortable sensation keeping you from slipping into a place you rarely enjoyed visiting.

“You’ve been with us for quite some time, haven’t you? Mito’s noticed but, oh, she’s frightened of the unknown. Always has been.” You chuckled lightly, an image of her screaming about a ghost in her room and her mother rushing inside just to find out it was nothing but the wind coming to mind.

“But I knew. Not as early as I would have liked, but I eventually figured it out. You’ve taken very good care of him.” Gon’s great-grandmother - _Loriel,_ you remind yourself. You should say her name, it’s only right - turned in your general direction, but her eyes looked up too high, too far to the right for it to be possible that she could actually see you. “I’m sure this won’t need to be asked, but, well, it can never hurt to be cautious with your kind. Will you continue to take care of Gon for us? Watch over him and bring him home safe? That’s all I wish to ask.”

You snort, rubbing your hand to get rid of the pins and needles. “I already promised Mito but, yes, I will.” Eyes softening at the sight of Mito pulling Gon into a tearful embrace, you quietly repeated, “I always will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have i mentioned this is self indulgent bc this is so fucking self indulgent y’all are gonna see a lot of personal hcs such as gon being a dark-skinned latino and if y’all wanna get mad at me for it.....rip i guess I’ll just delete any rude comments


	4. Chapter 4

You leaned over the railing of the ship, a smile gracing your gentle features, eyes reflecting the calm waters down below.

Gon liked seeing that expression on your face. It was one of his favorites and, unfortunately, one of the rarest.

For the past several years, you’ve been grounded, stuck in place, never able to leave and explore because of him. Gon’s not sure why but you’ve planted yourself next to him and never left his side. As a result, you haven’t left the island in more than a decade.

It’s stifling you, he can tell that now. The moment you stepped on the deck, your entire mood changed, amplified. You became more energetic, bouncing from one side of the ship to the other, babbling about your past adventures, and cooing over each animal you spotted - whether they soared through the air or swam in the ocean made no difference to you.

He may have had a few doubts over his big decision and if he was truly ready to do this, stumbled a few times because he knew the next few months would be hard away from home, but looking at you now, vibrating with an energy he’s never seen before, soothed all his thoughts.

”Hey, Gon! Look! I see a dolphin!”

Gon came to stand next to you, his eyes shining in wonder at the new animal breaking through the surface. It’s skin was a sleek grey, the water rolling off its back as it made a strange clicking noise before diving under. “Whoa! That’s a dolphin?”

You nodded at him. Before he was born, you had traveled the world so you recognized a lot more animals and technology than he did. If not for you, he wouldn’t even have an email!

Since he’s never really left the island, there are many creatures he doesn’t know about. If...no, _when_ he passes the exams, Gon will be able to explore and see them all.

He can’t wait.

“Y’know, Gon, you’re a lot like your father.”

He looks at you, shock clouding his normally excited demeanor. It’s not often you talked about Ging, so when you did, he listened closely, soaking up every word because he never really knew when would be the next time he’d get another scrap of information on his father. “Really?”

You didn’t look at him, continuing to watch the ocean. Your eyes were distant, too enraptured by memories to focus on what - or, rather, who - stood right next to you.

“Sometimes...” You licked your lips, hesitating, a furrow developing between your brow. “Sometimes when I look at you, all I see is Ging. You two are quite similar in some regards. Not an exact match which I am _very_ happy about. I don’t think I could handle another Ging.” You joked, laughing quietly.

Then your smile faded. “I miss him.”

The sad expression on your face made him tense, his own mood souring in response.

He hated it.

You deserved to be happy all the time, freely laughing and shouting with glee, indulgently recounting your past adventures to him, smiling when he came to show you something he prides himself over. That frown should _never_ appear, not when he was there, not if he could help it.

Reaching out, Gon placed a hand on top of yours, just as you did the night before and countless other nights. You’ve always been there for him, cheering him up and protecting him. It was high time he returned the favor.

”We’re going to find him, okay? And while we’re looking, I’ll keep you company. So, don’t be sad!”

You laughed softly and turned to him, the light of the sun giving you an almost ethereal glow.

The smile was back, Gon realized, relieved. He was going to do everything he could to keep it there. That’s what friends do, after all!

Grabbing his hand, he let you pull him to the door leading inside. “Let’s go. You said it yourself, a big storm is coming.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont like this chap but i just want to get a move on cuz im tired of staring At the screen waiting for inspo on how to fix it to hit
> 
> its v short, but again, this story is more for me than my audience and i dont want to get frustrated on something i should be having fun with 
> 
> also, nice, we got a tiny glance at Gon’s thoughts on you


	5. Chapter 5

Never before have you felt more grateful for your incorporeal state. It robbed you of three of your senses which, in any other circumstance, would have frustrated you. However, staring at the various puddles of vomit, you only felt relief.

You don’t know how Gon could stand it with his enhanced sense of smell. He hopped over a groaning man with ease, unbothered by the stench, humming lightly as he knelt down in front of a man leaning against the wall.

Clearing your throat to catch Gon’s attention, you stood up. He glanced over and you gestured to the other side of the room. Gon shot you an understanding smile, waving briefly before turning back to the man.

Scrunching your nose at the ill men in your way, you didn’t bother jumping over them, just walked right through them. As expected, they didn’t react. You had a feeling they wouldn’t.

The bespectacled male leisurely sprawled across several boxes, reading a book you didn’t care to examine just yet as you were already moving your gaze onto the blonde in the hammock _also_ reading a book.

Your lips twitched upwards. What a funny coincidence.

Taking a few steps forward, you peered over the cute blonde’s shoulder. You could make out the text, but just barely. The last time you saw this language was most likely before Ging. Maybe...what? 30? 40 years ago? It didn’t really matter.

 _Time_ didn’t really matter.

Humming under your breath, you reached forward to move aside his hair. You spotted metal glinting in the light earlier and you wanted to see what caused it.

Your hand passed through his head.

Sighing, you pulled away, dully noting the way he twitched, his grey eyes darting around the room, frowning when he found nothing anywhere near him.

Quickly losing interest, you left his side to examine the other one relaxing nearby.

Hopping onto the boxes, you phased through his legs. He continued to read, adjusting his sunglasses.

Your attention drifted downward and you furrowed your brows, lightly poking at his legs. Why the suit? Wouldn’t he get all hot and sweaty? I mean if he wanted to take off a few layers, it’s not like you’d stop him. Sure, the sunglasses and perverse expression on his face took away a bit of his attractiveness, but it wasn’t a deal breaker.

And while the 18+ magazine wasn’t either, you still stood back up, brushing yourself off, despite there being no dust, and headed back to Gon. Frowning at your flustered demeanor, you remembered a time when it took a lot more than women in bikinis for you to get caught off guard.

You’re growing soft.

It would be hypocritical of you to claim it a bad thing.

 _But_ , you thought, sitting by Gon as he took the cup of water from his new friend, _this isn’t a good thing either, is it?_

There are things you needed to hold onto, lessons you must remember if you hoped to keep him safe. The world was deadly, it’s inhabitants deadlier. The innocent and naive very rarely ever lived past their 80’s - unless they isolated themselves. Unfortunately, Gon would never agree to that.

(you don’t really think that; you’re a selfish creature through and through and time could not take that away. You don’t want to be stuck in isolation. You’ve done your sentence. You’d hate to carry out the rest of it.)

You refused to exchange Gon’s safety for your own comfort. A single hint of a threat and you’d drop everything, anything to protect him.

Placing your hands in your face, minutely shaking your head, you chuckled quietly, careful to ensure Gon wouldn’t overhear.

It was funny, really, how warped your original goal became.

How warped _you_ became.

Some would consider it a good thing; others would crucify you on the spot. 

No, no, that’s not quite true. That implied there _weren’t_ those out there trying their hand at playing executioner. They failed, of course. They always failed, but that fact never stopped more from coming.

It’s why you needed to stick close to Gon. He was strong, intelligent in his own way, capable of defending himself.

Against _natural_ threats.

You believed in him, but only in that. The things you dealt with, the things you will experience in the future, he should never, _could_ never go against.

They know of your attachment; they will target him.

Gon twisted his torso so he could tilt his head at you in confusion. “What are you so quiet for? Did you find something interesting?” At that thought, his hazel eyes sparkled with excitement, turning his body the rest of the way to give you his full attention.

Your face softened, muscles relaxing as you reached over to gently pet his coarse hair. “Nothing of importance,” you murmured. He didn’t seem very disappointed in the loss of a good story, content with reveling in your touch, leaning into it.

He’s grown.

Some of the previous baby fat you enjoyed squishing had melted away to more defined lines and edges, arms hardened into a lithe muscle that strained whenever he pushed himself too far - which was often, the exasperatingly hardworking little tyke - eyes sharpened to a more calculating gaze that understood how the world worked just a little bit more.

You could still carry him, but, he could now carry _you._ It shocked you, the first time Gon picked you up. Pulled a shriek from your lips the infuriating boy giggled at, teased you about.

 _He’s grown_ , you repeated to yourself. He opened his eyes, expression open, honest, never one to hide his emotions.

”You’re staring,” Gon stated. Not accusatory, not angry or uncomfortable, just that age-old curiosity tinting his words.

_But, this still needs to be protected._

You shared so many precious moment with him that you cherished deeply. So you did what anyone else would do in your stead. You engrained them to your memory, seared them into your brain; that fear of the day they, too, would be torn from you dogging your every move.

“I love you.”

Your fingers froze in their ministrations, still entangled in his hair at your admittal.

You don’t know where that came from. This was the first either of you said that to the other. It’s been implied in your actions - giggling praises for mundane accomplishments, singing off key to improvised lyrics, clinging tightly as smother kisses forced the recipient to attempt an escape, surprising tackle hugs that sent you sprawling into the grass.

But that’s the thing, they’ve always been _implied_. Never talked about; never touched upon. Neither of you ever acknowledged your love for each other.

Until now.

A beat passed.

He stared in bewilderment, shock overwriting his previous tranquil state.

And then your words finally registered.

That beam you _swore_ rivaled the sun and the moon and stars and everything light and warm shined across his face, and suddenly, you could _breathe_ again. “I love you, too!” He cried with enthusiasm, wrapping his arms around you, crushing you into an embrace you never wanted to leave.

_**He** still needs to be protected._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was actually supposed to come out a lot different and a lot earlier but the original one disappeared so uhhhhh yea that rly pissed me off and it took me awhile to settle down enough to write this
> 
> ummmmmm im not sure im happy with how much i revealed but i kept it in bc i enjoy how emotionally charged it is. i noticed that’s what this story is based off of - emotions, rather than actual storytelling or plot or actions and im pretty cool with that
> 
> also peep the small cameo of leorio and kurapika and the even smaller cameo of katsuo


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